Anton Fitzgibbons

As faithful readers know, Anton Fitzgibbons is the uptight Chaircat of the Internets. Here's a story with him.

The Interview

"In five years?" The woman smiled a practiced smile. "Well, in five years I see myself further along in my career. I'll probably be married by then..."

Anton's face darkened.

"...and I'll be starting a fam--"

"Thank you," Anton said, looking pointedly at the door. The applicant sat in the stiff-backed chair, her smile faltering. Anton stared at her as he pressed the intercom button. "Send in the next applicant please, Mr. Johnson."

* * *

"How do I define success?" The next applicant plucked a soft gray cat hair from her immaculate black business suit. "Well, as the CEO of a major software company, I'd want to create a mission statement to address that question. What was that? Why I spend a great deal of time at home." She pulled out her iPhone and brought up a calendering app. "10.8 hours per day, in fact, which is longer than it seems because I only sleep 4.2 hours per night, yielding a total home/awake time of 6.6 hours. Yes, I don't let the grass doesn't grow under my feet."

She also did not let the door hit her on the way out.

* * *

The third applicant answered every question quickly and well and was rejected.


"In five years, I see myself sitting in a chair, petting you."

Anton make a checkmark on his notepad.

"I guess I'm not much of a success." The fourth applicant smiled. "I have a temp job and I'm unemployed a lot. I guess success will be when I can work from home."

Anton made another check mark.

The applicant struggled over the final question. "Counters are okay. My couches are old anyway..." She finally gave up. "I'm sorry. I can't think of any rules that cats have to obey." Anton raised an eyebrow, but she was already chuckling.

Anton lrolled on the floor as the woman giggled over the idea of a cat "obeying."

"You're clearly an ideal candidate." Anton said. He started to straighten his tie, then shrugged and took it off. He jumped into her lap. "You may adopt me."
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