Here's a super-cynical short story....



911 Emergency


Are you calling about a robbery in progress? This might be the perfect time to think about protecting yourself in the future. To learn about homeowners insurance, press 1. For medical insurance, press 2. For life--"911 Operator. What is your emergency?"

"My heart....I need...I need..."

"An ambulance? Certainly. I see on my computer that you live in a Class C neighborhood as determined by home values, property taxes and income levels. Your approximate wait time for an ambulance is one hour, forty minutes."

"...I can't...wait..."

"Would you like to upgrade your neighborhood classification for faster service?"

"....Please..."

"Let me describe the available packages--"

"...Fast as poss...poss...poss--"

"As possible? That'll be the Class A upgrade with a current wait time of 5 minutes. Your total is $10,000. Would you like that one? ...Hello?"

"....yes.....anything....any---"

"Will you be paying by Visa or MasterCard today?...Hello?...Is anyone there? Hello? Hello? Hello?"
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