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Cats: Today's Words of Wisdom
If dogs had thumbs they'd bring you coffee. If cats had thumbs they'd steal your car. -HelloPossums
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Herding Cats
Herding Cats
by the Anchorite
Anton Fitzgibbon straightened his tie for the third time since he looked into the mirror. He fussed with the vest on his three piece suit and took in a deep, nervous breath. As an internet cat, he worked hard and dedicated himself to doing the best job he could. He dreamed of one day having the prestigious corner office of the Chaircat of the Internetz, but he was still a long way from that lofty position. He started his career as an intern, received a full-time offer in the mailroom, and steadily worked his way up the ranks and into the front office. Anton looked forward to one day sitting in the Chaircat’s office rather than simply walking by it, but for now he had enough responsibility on his shoulders with his first managerial assignment.
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Cat Haiku of the Day
from Peter Geller's The Cat Who'll Live Forever:
A Cat Haiku
The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow. Pin It Now!
Here's a super-cynical short story....
911 Emergency
Are
you calling about a robbery in progress? This might be the perfect time to
think about protecting yourself in the future. To learn about homeowners
insurance, press 1. For medical insurance, press 2. For life--"911 Operator. What is your emergency?"
"My heart....I need...I need..."
"An ambulance? Certainly. I see on my computer
that you live in a Class C neighborhood as determined by home values, property
taxes and income levels. Your approximate wait time for an ambulance is one
hour, forty minutes."
"...I can't...wait..."
"Would you like to upgrade your neighborhood
classification for faster service?"
"....Please..."
"Let me describe the available packages--"
"...Fast as poss...poss...poss--"
"As possible? That'll be the Class A upgrade
with a current wait time of 5 minutes. Your total is $10,000. Would you like
that one? ...Hello?"
"....yes.....anything....any---"
"Will you be paying by Visa or MasterCard
today?...Hello?...Is anyone there? Hello? Hello? Hello?"
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