Are hangovers preventable?

Problem: You get hangovers
Solution: Four easy steps below 

Apparently, hangovers are preventable. Alcohol does specific things to your body, and by addressing and fixing each thing that alcohol screws up, you can save yourself some misery.

This is hangover prevention, so do all this stuff while you're still drunk. Before you go to sleep/pass out.

1. Drink water.  Alcohol messes up something in your kidneys and makes them pump out water. Dehydration is the #1 cause of headaches. (You don't even have to be drunk to get a dehydration headache.) So drink a lot of water. One glass of water for every glass of devil's brew you drank. Maybe more. Whenever you pee, drink enough to make up for what you pissed out. But do not drink your pee. No matter how drunk you are, remember: water. Not pee.

2. Protein.  Processing the alcohol uses up amino acids, so replace them. Get some protein. Milk is perfect. So are eggs. There's a reason why a lot of hangover remedies involve a raw egg. Go eat one. In a glass of water. Damn, why did you get so drunk? Chug that raw egg, enjoy the slime. You're drunk anyway, go for it. You could probably cook it if you trust yourself with a stove. Oh, just man up and eat it raw.

3. Water soluble vitamins. Did you know that English people call being drunk "pissed"? Whole lotta pissing going on here. You're pissing out vitamins right when you need them most. Get some B vitamins in you, some C and some K. Oh, you don't carry around a medicine cabinet as you go carousing? Well, eat some bread then. That might have some B vitamins. And eat an orange. Or drink orange juice. No, do not put vodka in the orange juice. Are you even taking this seriously?

4. Anti-inflammatories. Take an aspirin or an Advil or an Aleve. Do not take Tylenol. Tylenol is not an anti-inflammatory. I would say, "stick with the ones that start with 'A'", but, damnit, Tylenol is acetaminophen. Your drunk ass is going to mix that up for sure. Just take an aspirin. Or an Advil. Or Aleve. Remember this: Aspirin, Advil, Aleve. Yeah, you're not going to remember that. Get one of those pills and put it in your pocket before you start drinking. No Tylenol.


Good luck and Godspeed, my friends. And if you should decide to not get so stupid shitfaced that you need to try hangover remedies, I say, well done.

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